14/06/20 – Still ill

I still felt unwell when I woke up. In fact, my digestive system was in absolute bits, so I had another lazy morning.

I don’t know what made me go in to the big group chat, but I did. There were pictures of my ex on a Zoom video call, and pictures of two of my girlfriends in bed together.
As of yesterday, people who live alone can create ‘support bubbles’, where you essentially extend your household to each other (and exclusively each other).
Everything’s getting properly back to normal. The shops are re-opening tomorrow too.

I skipped out on lunch again, because I was still feeling so unwell.
I had a bit of a nap, and then it was time for our weekly family Zoom call.
I think I said about two words, which were ‘Hi’ and ‘Bye’.
I still just felt like shit.

The problem with being physically unwell is that I can’t do the things that are helpful for my mental health, like ballet, or walking, or sitting at my desk to write, or play the keyboard.
When my body feels like shit, my mind feels like shit too. But I’m pretty sure my body feels shit in the first place because my mind feels like shit, so it’s like a vicious cycle…
IBS and ulcers (whichever one of those I am suffering from) are both notoriously linked to stress.
I genuinely don’t think it’s a coincidence that I got pains that I haven’t had since being at work so soon after I had that text off the landlord.

By the time dinner came, I was feeling a bit more sociable, and quite hungry. We were having a BBQ, and it went down really well. I hadn’t eaten a proper meal in days.

In the evening, we watched the first of a three-part drama called ‘The Salisbury Poisonings’ on BBC. I had just gone from watching ‘American Crime Story: The Assassination of Gianni Versace’ to watching Tracey shut down Zizi and Sainsbury’s to save Salisbury. Brilliant stuff.

I’m still sleeping without my sleeping pills, which is really great. I’m just so tired atm what with feeling so physically unwell. I feel like I could nap all day, and then sleep through the night too. Even just walking up the stairs exhausts me these past few days.

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