03/06/20 – Joyriding

I had dead weird dreams, and was up early, but managed my second night’s sleep without sleeping pills.

My Mum went out to Tesco for our weekly shop, and I had another lazy morning of Breaking Bad, games on my tablet, and playing the keyboard again.

Just before lunch, I watched a video by ‘The Ballet Coach’ on YouTube about how to train your legs in to the splits. I’m going to try to do the stretches every day, at least so I can do it with my right leg forward again. I never could do it with my left, but I’m trying for that too.

It turns out that in the morning the blue tits had fledged from the birdbox.

This baby spent all day hidden among a load of wood and shrubbery (and the 2019 Christmas tree) just under the birdbox, which is apparently totally normal. That’s the point where loads of people are like ‘omg, look at this baby bird, it’s been abandoned and can’t fly!’ and try to ‘save’ them. But they stay there for a day or so, still being fed by the parents, and then eventually fly away.

I was pretty shaky after my splits stretches, and rain was forecast, so my Mum and I decided to delay our after-lunch walk.

I watched an episode of Breaking Bad and played on my tablet, but felt really restless.

I was bored.

I can’t remember the last time I was actually bored.

But this is really good. This was my exact plan. Look after myself, rest and relax, until I’m dying to do something productive, like crack out my therapy books again.

I was just about to watch an introduction video to Buddhism on YouTube, cuz it’s all about mindfulness and stuff, when my Mum suggested we went out because I had mentioned to her that I was bored. She said she was too, so we decided to drive to the next town over so she could drop off a pair of sandals to be sent back because they didn’t fit her.

On our way out I realised that I hadn’t been in a car with a roof up since I was picked up from hospital. The whole time my Mum and I have been bezzing round with the roof down like a couple of ballers in the sunshine, but the weather was so grim and drizzly.

My Mum decided to take me in to this new estate (I say new, it’s a few years old but I haven’t explored my hometown for years) to show me the new community centre and primary school. It was so bizarre. I didn’t feel like I was in my hometown, yet it was only half a mile or so from my house.

We headed out of town and past McDonald’s WHICH HAD THE DRIVE THRU OPEN, so I’m definitely guna hit that up at some point. Fucking love McDonald’s.

We also went right past my in-law’s house. I spoke to my Mum a bit about them, and wondered if they still live there. She said she would have heard if they’d moved on, but I don’t see how she would have, as they don’t really socialise with anyone outside of their family.
It’s nearly two years now since I left my husband. Mental how time flies.

We went through villages where my school friends used to live. It was a real trip down memory lane. I’ve not ventured out that way for a really long time – well over a decade.

We drove past a Tesco, and I remembered one day my friends and I – probably about 10 of us – walked there from one of my friend’s houses to buy sandwiches for lunch, and then sat in the middle of the roundabout to eat them. We felt well rebellious.

God we were so bored.
There was nothing to do around us, so we just had to make our own fun.
I am almost certain that we will have gone back to my friend’s house, maybe had some shit lager, and listened to music. Eventually he will have cracked his guitar out, as he always did, and we would have listened to him play for the rest of the afternoon. Then maybe we’d play a game – probably a drinking one, or some kind of Truth or Dare based thing.
We weren’t the coolest kids at school.

My Mum parked up outside the drop off place, and I stayed in the car. I noticed she’d left the keys in the ignition, so without even really thinking I got out and put myself in the driving seat. I’ve done it a few times before to friends and my Mum – moved the car while it’s parked and seeing the looks on their faces.
It’s a fun joke to play – one of my favourites.

I put my foot on the clutch, and turned the key. It’s been years since I’ve driven, and my last car was an automatic (which I hated), so it’s been probably nearly a decade since I drove a stick.
It took me ages to figure out that I wasn’t in reverse, I was in first gear, I just wasn’t giving it enough on the accelerator, so I was rolling backwards.
Then off I went.

I did a little circle around the car park, and I really enjoyed even that. I used to fucking love driving. I love going fast, and it makes you feel so free.
By the time I’d done my circle, my Mum was standing there with her hands on her hips. I revved up, and went at her a bit fast, then came to an emergency stop in front of her.

Luckily, she found the whole thing pretty funny. I think she was just glad to see me being a bit better – a bit more like myself.

On our way back, my Mum said she’d take me past the lakes where my Dad goes fishing. We had said we were going to go for a walk out somewhere, but it was so rainy we decided to just drive back the long way to the house instead.

We went past a garden centre that I remembered used to have a pet section. I said to my Mum I wonder how pet shops have coped through all this. They will have probably been closed, but someone will have still needed to go in every day to feed all the hamsters and fish and stuff.

We drove back a different way through town, and went past my old secondary school. It’s been years since I’ve seen it. Looked pretty much the same.

When we got back my Dad was like ‘you drove my car?!’, and we had a bit of a laugh about it.
My Mum said I must be getting better because I’m getting cheekier and more mischievous.

I did a bit of writing afterwards. It felt so good to have got out of the town – much different to when we went out on the quest for three wells a few weeks ago.

We had another really good chatty dinner. I talked about how much better I feel since knocking the sleeping pills on the head.
When I went on to the NHS website, this is what it said…

Some medicines and zopiclone can interfere with each other and increase the chances of you having side effects.
Certain medicines may increase the drowsy-making (sedating) effects of zopiclone.
Speak to your doctor or pharmacist before starting on zopiclone if you take any of the following:
– medicines to treat schizophrenia and bipolar disorder
– medicines to treat depression
– medicines for epilepsy
– medicines to calm or reduce anxiety, or for sleep problems
– medicines for hay fever, rashes or other allergies that can make you sleepy (sedative antihistamines, such as chlorphenamine or promethazine)
– strong painkillers (such as codeine, methadone, morphine, oxycodone, pethidine or tramadol)
erythromycin or clarithromycin (antibiotics used to treat infections)
– medicines used to treat fungal infections (such as ketoconazole and itraconazole)
– ritonavir (a medicine used to treat HIV infections)

I take Quetiapine, which is used to treat schizophrenia and bipolar disorder.
I take Sertraline, which is used to treat depression.
I take Lamotrigine, which is used to treat epilepsy, as well as being a mood stabiliser.
I have been taking numerous medications for anxiety.
I take antihistimines for hay fever.
I take Codeine when my back is bad.

So, I have been taking all of the drugs which are known to interact with my sleeping pills, except for the final three on the list.
I am genuinely feeling like my mood has improved since I stopped taking them. I am so pleased.

I went out to the garage to get another bottle of water over before watching The Great British Sewing Bee with my parents, and saw a small black cat near the birdbox, so I chased it away.
I checked for the blue tit, but none of us could see it. There were no signs of a struggle though – no blood or feathers, so we reckon it must have flown away.
You go baby blue tit!

I enjoyed watching TV with my parents, and stayed down with them til about 11PM. I showed my Dad Spotify, and looked up a load of his favourite artists (Frank Zappa and Captain Beefheart), so that will have well and truly messed up my account.

We watched the news, and it turns out they have a new lead in the Madeline McCann case, which sounds totally legit. So many people have thought Kate and Gerry guilty for 13 odd years, and now it looks like she was genuinely abducted by a German sex offender.

I went up to bed holding a plate with some buttered toast, a packet of crisps and a pepperami on it, a pint of fizzy water, 2 litres of still water, and my tablet. I managed it all the way up the stairs, through my bedroom door, and then dropped the plate as I went to put it on my desk, so I got butter everywhere. I was so proud for having got it all upstairs, and then just threw it all over my chair.
Well done me.

By the time I turned out my light, it was nearly 1AM. I went to sleep again without sleeping pills.
Third night in a row.
I think they’re a thing of the past now.

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