19/05/20 – The day we went through the tunnel

I managed to sleep straight through to 6AM, which is a real rarity these days.

I opened the curtains, and went back to sleep for a bit, until I was woken up by a wasp, which I had to chase out of the window.

I decided to chill out in bed for a bit, because it was quite a rude awakening, and ended up falling back to sleep until nearly 10AM.

It’s the best sleep I’ve had in weeks.

I went down for a coffee, and my mum was just returning from the supermarket from our weekly shop, so I sat and chatted to her while she unpacked everything (I know it sounds shitty not helping her, but I’d just be in her way).

I enjoyed what was left of the morning, playing games on my tablet.

While I was having a shower, I decided to turn my phone back on. I felt like I owed my friends an explanation/apology for just falling off the face of the earth without a word. It was playing on my mind.

My phone had completely run out of battery, and I had to wait for it to charge enough before I could send a message. I couldn’t do it before I went down for lunch, which annoyed me.

Eventually, I got it up and working, and it was nice to reconnect with people. Doesn’t seem like anything’s changed really.
I’m going to avoid the big group chat for a while though. I think that’s triggering my anxiety and paranoia a bit.

My mum and I decided to drive out to a disused train tunnel just outside of the town.
We used to go there when I was a child, and you could walk all the way through it, but now it’s caged up. I still really wanted to go and see it though. I don’t know why, but I really like tunnels and bridges – all things to do with railways really.

We walked down the steep bank in to the cutting, and I was just thinking to myself ‘omg my mum better not fall…’

When we got to the tunnel, one of the bars had been pried open, so you could get inside…

I didn’t really give my mum a choice, or say anything to her, I just walked the whole length of the tunnel.
It was so dark and peaceful, yet eerie and exciting.

Luckily there was a bar pried open at the other end too, so we didn’t have to double back on ourselves.


When we emerged, it was stinking hot (25 degrees, the car said), and I was wearing black cord dungarees. I was sweating my tits off, and didn’t want for green sweat to run down my neck on to my clothes. My mum and I decided to end the walk there, but first we had to walk up the steep stairs out of the cutting.
Again, I was just crossing my fingers that my mum didn’t fall… (she didn’t)

We met a man who was taking his two boys in to the tunnel because he’d seen us walk through it. We had a bit of a chat to him, and that was nice.
I’m not as socially anxious as I was.

When we got back to the car, we put the roof down, and drove the long way home to cool down a bit.

We went past the place where I had my Year 11 prom. I remembered putting in £30 to hire a Limo with my friends so we could get there from literally the next village. The whole ride took about 5 minutes. So ridiculous.

I had really enjoyed my trip to the tunnel, and posted some of the pictures on Instagram (@_lucysback_).
I haven’t posted on social media for ages.

I feel a bit as though I’m back now, after my time off.
Back on track (and no, that’s not a train pun).

I caught up on my writing too.
I debated hard about how to write up the day before, because I am aware that my ex may be reading, but I decided to just be honest.
That’s why I shared the shitting the bed incident too.
No filters. Warts and all. (I don’t have warts though) No bullshit here.

I had a voicemail from my estate agents, and so I called them back. They said that my solicitors are just waiting on a couple of answers from the vendors, but we’re getting close to setting dates for exchange and completion on the flat, which is exciting, yet nerve wracking and stressful.

I have literally no idea how I’m going to move.
I’m not even sure where I live right now. My shit’s just scattered all over the East Midlands.

I’ve stopped watching the daily government briefing, because it’s making me more stressed and anxious. My Dad told me that today’s news is that they’re encouraging those who are furloughed to go out and join the harvest. We haven’t got the immigrants that usually come over to pick strawberries etc, so need to rely on the British people.
I find it so weird that some work just seems below British people, and they end up unemployed, while foreigners can get work over here. That wasn’t meant to sound as Brexity and Tory as it did…
My Dad also said that Trump has started himself on Malaria tablets, which are super dangerous. They can notoriously induce psychosis and a plethora of physical side effects, so that’ll be fun to watch.
Fucking idiot.
He’s so ridiculously mental. Who the fuck let him run the most powerful country in the world?!

We sat outside for a bit before dinner, but I was still far too hot. I really don’t deal well in the heat.
Got to watch the cows do a proper stampede though. Not sure what freaked them out down the end of the field, but they full of galloped back in to the next field. You could hear all their little hooves stomping, just like in The Lion King.

My Dad had cooked a curry from scratch for dinner, and I mean from scratch, like even including the Garam Masala.
He had made Hot & Sweet Prawns, a Tarka Dahl, and some pickled onions on the side.

It was epic, but made me even hotter, so had to spend ages just lying on my bed cooling off afterwards. Then spent the rest of the evening watching Drag Race, because I realised a new one had come out on Saturday and I hadn’t watched it yet!
They’ve picked the final four, so the next episodes are the Reunion and the Grand Finale, and they are usually filmed live. I wondered how they were going to do it with lockdown, so googled it, and it turns out they’re going to use ‘groundbreaking technology’ (Zoom) to do it all remotely. Should be interesting… It’ll either be a huge success, or an epic fail. I’m excited.

I stayed up a bit later than usual, because I’d had a bit of a lie in. Wasn’t really tired, but managed to get to sleep relatively easy.

All in all, a pretty good day. Much better than the one before.

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