14/05/20

I slept right through until 4AM, which is the latest I’ve managed for a long time. I was wide awake though, so decided to take some sedating meds to help me sleep. That took me through to 6:30AM, and then I dosed on and off until about 9.

I felt much better for having a better night’s sleep, albeit still pretty fractured and crap.

I think the real difference was not having disturbing dreams. That’s what fucks me up the most.

I washed my hair and got properly dressed. I still felt pretty shit, both mentally and physically, but better than I had done in days.
Putting my mascara on is still next to impossible though.

My mum and I went for a walk in the morning, because she was planning on going out to the supermarket in the afternoon.
It was so busy. I think that because the rules around lockdown have relaxed a bit, but people can only meet outside, loads of people are meeting up in the woods to have their outdoor socialisation.

I got some post, which is unusual.
It was a summary of my ‘meeting’ with the consultant a few weeks ago. I hate reading about myself in the third person from health professionals.
There were quite a few factual inaccuracies (like that I met my husband when I had finished my degree and moved to Nottingham, and that I completed a nursing degree before doing my Psychology & Linguistics BSc), which don’t really matter, but it still pissed me off. It made me feel a bit misunderstood, and like he hadn’t listened as much as he thought.
The outcome and ‘care plan’ was still the same though, so I suppose that’s all that matters.

After lunch, I finally made it to the point in my game (Merge Dragons) where I collected 50,000 coins that I had saved up. A new dragon costs about 500-1,000 coins, so it was at the point where I could play it pretty much infinitely.
I played on my tablet for 3 hours solid, while twiddling my newly washed hair. By the end of it I felt a bit bog eyed, headachy, and it looked like I’d crimped the left-hand side of my hair.
But I really fucking enjoyed it.
Total immersion.

My mum had been out to the supermarket while I was in my own little dragon world. Just before she’s due back, my Dad and I kind of pace around the house looking down the road to see if the car’s coming back, like two dogs waiting for their owners.

I sat with my mum while she unpacked all the goodies.
She’d sewed a face mask in the morning, and was really proud of it. It is dead good. She said she loved wearing it because she felt anonymous. It also gave her an excuse to cover up her split lip, moustache plaster, cheek graze, and black eye. Ha!
It’s healing up really well, thank goodness.

We sat outside for a bit before dinner, while my Dad hot smoked some trout in the garden that he’d caught and frozen a while back. It was an amazing dinner.

The Thursday 8PM clap went ahead as scheduled, and keyboard man was playing Somewhere Over The Rainbow on the keyboard again.
My mum went and chatted to our next-door neighbour, mostly about her face.

After a bit of time in my room, I went downstairs to watch The Real Marigold Hotel with my parents. It’s so ridiculous. Paul Chuckle went for a driving lesson, and to a yoga hospital to meet with a consultant(?!). Just bizarre. Another bit of basic TV that we can just talk over.
At the end of the evening, I was on my way up to try and wind down for bed, but I’d got my parents on a proper roll of chatting, and found it hard to get away!
I had another really lovely evening with them.

By the end of the day, I was feeling pretty good. I felt better as the day went on.
Amazing what a difference sleep makes.

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