12/05/20

Disclaimer: this entry contains an epic overshare.

I had really bizarre dreams where my first ever boyfriend was getting married, although he’d started seeing me on the side.
There was this thing where you could swab people’s DNA and it shows you who your ideal partner is, and somehow I managed to test his. It came back that I was the better match for him. I got really upset that he was getting married and not listening to me when I said I was the one for him.
Not sure what all these marriage dreams are about.

I woke up wide awake at 3 or 4 after that dream, and really struggled to get back to sleep. I’m not really even sure if I did.

I felt so tired and ill when I got up, so went back to bed for a bit to play on my tablet.

It was then that I shat the bed.

Fucking side effects got my insides in bits.

I started panicking. I needed to change my sheets, my clothes, and have a shower. I called my mum for help and between us we sorted it all out.

I felt so sorry for myself. A real low point.

Even though I’m mentally starting to feel better, my body is still adjusting.

Turns out that the furlough scheme is being extended to October, which is great news, as hospitality will pretty much be the last thing to open. Also, I’ll probably be the last of my team back, seeing as I’m ‘shielding’ atm I will be the highest risk out of all of us.
It was good to hear a bit of good news for a change.

The rest of the day was pretty unremarkable. Just spent it resting after the events of the morning, feeling a bit sorry for myself.

My mum had a total day off too. She spent most of the day sitting at the bottom of the garden just staring in to space. My Dad and I thought it was really weird. It reminded me of when I used to wheel the oldies out when I worked at a care home, and they just sit there doing nothing. She said that she just really enjoyed having time for her mind to wander. Fair enough.
Her face is much better today. Lip is holding together well, and the graze on her cheek is healing, but she’s getting a helluva shiner.

In the evening, I watched the Hello Kitty episode of Drag Race, and realised that I enjoyed it loads more than I had done a few weeks previous.
I’m beginning to enjoy doing things again.

Another positive to come out of a really shitty day (pun intended).

I really struggled to get to sleep again, even though I was exhausted.

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