01/05/20

How the fuck is it May? Mental.

I washed my hair and got ready for the day, but felt a lot more physically shaky than usual.

My Dad had been out, as he said he would, and he made a special trip to McColl’s just to get me some Dairy Milk. Bless him. He is such a good man.

My mum and I decided to go for a walk in the morning, because it was due to piss it down in the afternoon. She thought that she’d heard cows the day before, which isn’t as mental as it sounds – they usually live in the field behind our house during the summer. So, we went out for a look around the fields to see if we could find them. We could not. So now she’s wondering if she was hallucinating moos the day before.

After lunch I did something that I haven’t done for probably 20 years – I played the piano.

I had decided that I wanted to post something in our group chat for my ex’s birthday the next day that wasn’t just the words ‘Happy birthday’, so I learned how to play a simple version of it and got my mum to film it.
You can hear my musical prowess below, on our out of tune piano with my rusty fingers…

It’s not the best, but I’m actually really proud of it! I hope that it shows him and all of my friends that I really am doing well. I very much enjoyed playing too. I’ll definitely do it again, much to my Dad’s delight (I had to kick him out of the living room so I could play without driving him insane by playing ‘Happy Birthday’ wrong over and over again).

At 3PM I fell out of bed.
I was trying to pick something up off the floor while sitting cross legged on the bed, and totally lost my balance. Guna have a banger of a bruise on my knee.

I texted my friends to let them know of my funny story, and no one replied, even though they’d all read it, and eventually I was like ‘OI!’. Once I managed to engage them in conversation, I asked how their days had been. I really wanted to talk to them.

We had an amazing dinner – my Dad made Hunter’s Chicken in the Sous Vide with his home-smoked cheese.

When I got back to my phone afterwards, there were loads of messages that had been going off in the big group chat.
Turns out one of my staff had been in to the bar to pick up some bits. Someone had asked why he was there, and he answered ‘None of your business, you’re not my boss’, to which I replied about an hour later, ‘No, but I am…’. The reply I got was ‘New phone who dis?’.
I know him so well, and he’s a cheeky bastard. It wasn’t meant with malice, it was him joking around, and it’s the first direct contact that I’ve had with him since January.
I see him every day, and he is one of my best friends, so it was good to have that tiny bit of bantz with him. I’ve really missed him, but I know he’s really bad with these kind of emotional situations, so I’m not surprised that I haven’t heard from him, and don’t hold it against him at all.

After dinner, I introduced my parents to RuPaul’s Drag Race, and for that matter, Netflix as a whole. My mum was like ‘Ooooh I can watch The Crown!’.
They seemed to enjoy it, got a few laughs, and my mum liked looking at the costumes they’d made.

They said they couldn’t watch more than one in a night, so I went to my room to continue and just try and relax a bit before going to sleep.

I was a bit reluctant for the day to end, because I knew that when I woke up it would be my ex boyfriend’s birthday. I know that it’s going to be a challenging day.
I just want to be his friend right now.
No agenda.
I hope he lets me in.

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