I woke up feeling a bit better physically, and therefore mentally too.
I texted some of my friends to ask how they were. I’d enjoyed speaking to my friend on the phone so much the day before, I thought it would do me some good to reach out.
I decided to wash my hair, which made me feel even better.
My mum said that she was driving out in the convertible to pick up some fabric ‘For The Love Of Scrubs’ – nationwide hubs that are providing donated materials so that people can sew scrubs, bags to take them home to wash them in, and other things for carers who wouldn’t normally wear PPE in their jobs.
On the pavement there were boxes full of material, and other boxes with finished items in, so that the lady who lived inside the house could arrange for them to be sent off and distributed.
My mum spent a while choosing. She was in her element.
After that, we went for a drive around the bypass, just because.
It was good to go fast in the sunshine, and get some wind through my hair.
We had lunch, and I checked my e-mails. I had one from Facebook saying that my ex had posted in a group that we are both in. I couldn’t not check it, otherwise I knew I’d spend all day wondering what it was.
It was just a picture of a beer, but it was his words in the caption. It didn’t mess me up half as much as I expected it would though. It was just water off a ducks back.
After that though, I went on to Facebook and adjusted all my settings so that they stop e-mailing me.
My mum and I went for a walk up to the huge bluebell glade, which is at its best right now.
The pictures honestly don’t do it justice. The whole woods were carpeted a bluey purple. They are absolutely everywhere. It’s so impressive.
One thing that I noticed in the woods is that people are more likely to say hello to each other now. At first, everyone was just ignoring each other, and keeping their heads down. People seem less scared.
I guess it’s because this is the new normal.
On the way out of the woods, I spoke to my mum a bit about my meds and how I’m feeling.
I said that it’s really difficult to distinguish if I’m getting better, because there are so many variables.
Am I feeling shit because I’m heartbroken?
Am I feeling shit because the whole country is on lockdown?
Or am I feeling shit because I am clinically depressed?
It’s almost impossible to tell. Absolutely everything just feels flipped upside down.
We had dinner, and I finished AJ & The Queen, which was really promising at the beginning, but actually turned out to be quite depressing.
My mum was super excited, because the new series of The Great British Sewing Bee was starting. She invited me to watch it with her, so I sat on the sofa with my parents and watched it with them.
It’s the first time I’ve sat with them and watched TV in the 4 weeks since I got home, and it was really nice.