21/04/20

I had another really weird dream that my flatmates and I from my last year in uni rented a flat without viewing it, and the living room was shared with the family next door. The bedrooms were literal caves, with barely any room to sleep, and the bathroom had no door.
Not sure what all these ‘living situation with no privacy situations’ are all about.

I spent the morning feeling quite overwhelmed. Even putting my clothes away and gathering up my empty pill packets felt like such epic tasks.

At lunch, I felt so cold, shaky and tired. I left the table without eating anything, and then when I came back downstairs to make myself a cup of tea my parents were still eating, and I just burst in to tears. It was all so overwhelming.
Everything felt so shit. How did I end up here? Feeling physically like crap, mentally all over the place, living with my parents, lost the love of my life, disconnected from my friends and my regular life, everything closed and on lockdown… It was just too much.

My mum and I decided not to go for a walk, and I spent the afternoon pretty dosed up on meds and watching AJ & The Queen – a series produced, written by, and starring my hero – RuPaul.

Halfway through the afternoon, one of my friends gave me a ring just to say hi, and honestly it made my whole day. It was so overwhelming to know that someone was thinking of me, and wanted to actually talk to me.
It’s amazing who has come through for me during all this. I knew he was a good friend, but during all this he’s just been extraordinary, but has told me not to tell anyone else or everyone will expect it.

For dinner my Dad made 2 curries from scratch, and they were incredible – it was the best thing I’d eaten since before I was admitted to hospital.

It was so nice to see him enjoying himself cooking too, and how proud he was of what he had made.

Spent the rest of the evening as I’d spent my afternoon – watching Netflix on the bed.

I felt so much better in the evening and the late afternoon, solely from that one call from a friend.
It gave me life.

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