I had a really bad night’s sleep where I woke up at 2, 4, and then 6 and couldn’t really get back to sleep properly.

I made an appointment with the GP, and ordered some top ups of my meds.

I also got the letter through from my consultant outlining my new meds regime, and stating that even though I have BPD I also suffer from periods of anxiety & depression, so should be treated accordingly.
A full report is still to follow.

Throughout the day various things flew over the house, including a huge Chinook helicopter.
We live relatively close to several RAF bases, so they’re obviously flying round doing their thing, whatever that is.

We went for a short walk after lunch. I was still feeling pretty tired and yucky.

We saw the venison van, which is pretty grim. They’re obviously in the process of culling the deer from the woods.

I’m having real difficulties regulating my temperature atm. I’m either freezing cold or boiling hot and sweaty.
Another glorious side effect.

When we got back, my mum sent me this video that her friends had sent her, thinking it was super lovely, and we just found it hilarious.
There’s this therapy horse, which is a full sized stallion, and he goes around care homes and hospices seeking out patients that need him. He stood over this man who was on his death bed, and stared at him, and the man burst in to tears.
Can you imagine if you’re dying in a hospice and then all of a sudden there’s a fucking horse staring over you? I’d probably cry too.
I know it wasn’t meant to be funny, far from it, but it was just so random, I loved it.

My mum told me that she’d heard an interview with the head of mental health services for the city I was living in. She had described how the staff were finding it difficult to work on the quarantine ward, and that they were struggling to deal with death, as they come across it so rarely in their job.

Jesus Christ. That’s my ward.

It’s crazy to think of people with the virus on that ward, in my room even, and all the staff I came to know and develop relationships with having to deal with wearing that level of PPE while working with those critically ill.

Like, that’s literally my ward and my staff that they were talking about.
It’s mad to think that.
I’m so glad that I got out of there.

While we were getting ready for dinner, we talked about the horse video again, which really lifted my spirits.
Honestly, it’s so brilliant. Watch it.

I had spent most of the afternoon, and then the evening, watching The Innocence Files, and I think it depressed me/triggered me a bit. It was mostly about murders, rapes, and injustice. Some of the stuff really got to me, but I stuck with it because it was so absorbing. It was only when I watched Drag Race afterwards that I realised it had probably affected my mood more than I had realised.

All in all, a bit of a ‘meh’ day. I didn’t really feel up to much, and am still feeling pretty physically shite.

2 thoughts on “20/04/20

  1. we had chinooks over here yesterday too (sussex) there was obviously a countrywide chinook thing going on…

    that horse is terrifying…if someone brought that to loom over me I’d definitely cry…but not in a good way


  2. My actual bucket list is to go on a chinook. If I ever think I hear one I dart to the window and get all excited.

    Horsey looks like he helps people. Strangely comforting. Sending hugs your way lovely

    Liked by 1 person

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