18/04/20

When I woke up it was rainy and grey, which instantly bought my mood down.

Spent the morning with my back in a great deal of pain again, and feeling a bit fidgety and restless, but nowhere near as bad as the day before. In fact, at the end of the morning I felt overwhelmingly exhausted. I nearly fell asleep during a game of online Cluedo.

Even though the weather was crap, my mum and I still went for a walk in the woods after lunch. I hoped it would perk me up to get some fresh air, as I really didn’t want to nap and mess up my sleeping pattern.

Towards the end of the walk I felt myself feeling better, and started talking more to my mum, reminiscing about my childhood.
We walked past the man who used to run a camera shop in the town centre, and I remembered the amount of times I stood in there feeling bored while my dad spoke to him about lenses and whatever. Also how I used to sit in the utility room with him while he developed photos in a makeshift ‘dark room’, and once I was in there I couldn’t leave cuz it would ruin the photos.

People across the nation are putting teddy bears in their windows so that children can walk around the streets and go on a ‘bear hunt’, so when we got back, we put a massive polar bear that I have in to our front window.

Doesn’t he look cute?

In the afternoon, I got a random DM on Instagram from someone I don’t know. It was the third day that he’d messaged, and this time it was a bit more aggressive – ‘why are you ignoring my messages?’. It set me on edge a bit. Definitely bothered me more than something like that ordinarily would. I think because we have a random mutual friend, I just wonder what his intention is and why he wants to contact me.

When I came downstairs just before dinner, my parents were listening to Bob Marley, and it was a nice vibe.
At 6:30 my mum put Abba’s ‘Dancing Queen’ on, and I videoed her dancing around the kitchen with a G&T to wish two of her friends a happy birthday. When Dancing Queen finished, it went in to the most depressing Abba song of all time – ‘The Winner Takes It All’. My Dad kept saying for her to change it, but she was busy texting. Eventually she asked what we wanted instead, and I just said ‘anything but Abba’s most depressing song ever’, so she put on Fleetwood Mac ‘Go Your Own Way’.
Face palm.
Me and my Dad were like ‘what are you doing putting on a song about a painful breakup??’ – that’s what that whole album Rumours is about. She said that she didn’t really realise – that she thought it was about independence.
That shook me up a bit. Music is still really getting to me.

For dinner we had Chinese M&S ready meals. I started to come out in a cold sweat, and I felt really unwell, so I went straight up to my room for a rest.

I heard that the day before, our local chippy had opened for a click and collect service, and so many people were enticed by the thought of Fish & Chip Friday that they got 800 ORDERS (they say their website got ‘hacked’) and left loads of people waiting on the street queuing for hours after their orders were due to be ready. Eventually the police had to come and shut it down.
Fucking mental.

I finished Making A Murderer Part 2, which was quite depressing in the end. I was hoping for it to end a different way, with a more satisfying resolution, but it was kind of left hanging.

After that, I watched an episode of Drag Race, which was SNATCH GAME (the best episode of every season, where the queens imitate celebrities and improv in a fake gameshow). The runway was ‘Frozen’ themed, and the lip synch was ‘Let It Go’, so I was in my absolute element.
I haven’t watched Frozen since my crisis began, and I’m not quite sure why. It’s one of my top faves – probably my favourite Disney film ever. Will have to dig it out and give it a watch.

Ended up staying later than I intended to (about 11) because I was feeling the best that I had all day, and I wanted to make the most of it.

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