Woke up early again. Saw a couple of deer on the other side of the field eating from the hedge, which was really nice.
I spent quite a bit of my morning downloading updates to my computer, which was really frustrating, because my Netflix app refused to work, and when I googled the error code it said that the audio driver on my computer wasn’t up to date. I downloaded different ones, updated my computer, updated windows, updated Java, but nothing. So now I’m having to watch on my browser, which is annoying. It’s actually more user friendly, but it really annoyed me that I couldn’t fix the problem with the app.
I got ready, did some writing, and then spent my morning trying to occupy myself with games on my tablet before my appointment at 10:45.
He didn’t call until 11:10 (all face to face appointments are suspended because of the virus, so everything’s being done via telephone), so I just sat anxiously waiting.
We talked about everything, my whole life, starting from whether I was a normal birth or not (like my Dad and I had discussed the previous day).
It was a pretty draining hour, but well worthwhile. He agreed that although I do have BPD, I am also prone to episodes of depression, and that he was happy to bump my antidepressants up from 100mg to 150mg, which is the dose I have been on before. I asked about my other meds, and he said that it’s best to leave them atm, so I’m still on antidepressants, mood stabilisers, and antipsychotics. He also referred me for talking therapy – an ‘emotional first aid’ workshop, which is largely based around the DBT techniques I was learning in hospital, and that are in my workbooks. But everything is obviously suspended until after the virus.
He said the wait is only a few weeks long. In the city I had to wait two years until I got to the top.
I was really happy with the outcome, as were my parents. All I have to do now is wait out the next few days of side effects from increasing my meds, and then see how I’m doing in a couple of weeks’ time, which is how long it will probably take to see any benefits.
My dad said I would be exhausted, and I felt it a bit, but it hit me like a truck a little while later.
I’d been sitting in a cold room of the house, and it had been such an adrenaline rush, that I spent the whole of lunch shivering, so decided not to go for a walk, not to even sit in my armchair for the afternoon, but to lie on the bed and watch Netflix for the afternoon.
I binge watched Making A Murderer until it was time for the government Coronavirus briefing at 5PM, when I went downstairs and played some Sudoku while listening in.
We had a drink and a chat before dinner, and then afterwards we had a phone conversation with my brother and sister in law.
There were 5 of us on speakerphone, and my mum apparently has a really loud telephone voice (I’ve never really noticed because I’m always on the other end of the phone), and it was super overwhelming, so I tapped out and went back up to my bedroom.
I took some small bars of chocolate up with me, and ended up eating all ten of them before I went to sleep quite early.