14/04/20

My mum had arranged a telephone appointment with the GP because my meds hadn’t been at Boots like agreed, so I spent the majority of the morning anxiously waiting around for that.
I hate waiting for things.
Turns out there’d just been a mix up, and she wasn’t refusing to prescribe my sleeping pills, as had been the worry, so that was reassuring.

After that, I had a quick bit of toast, and then my dad and I sat in the kitchen preparing for tomorrow’s appointment with the consultant.

He had a whole file prepared. We talked a lot about my history, what medications I’ve been on, and how different difficult episodes in my life have affected me. I basically needed to put together some notes – a timeline of sorts – so I wasn’t going in to the appointment blind.

The most interesting thing that I learned was about my birth.

I knew that I was a forceps delivery. Apparently, that’s because my heart rate kept dropping so dramatically during contractions because I was in distress. Type 2 dips, they’re called. When I was born, it turns out I’d opened my bowels in the womb – another sign of distress.
I was upset to even be born.
It’s also known that forceps can press on the brain, maybe causing poor brain development, particularly in the frontal lobe, affecting inhibition and mood regulation.

After that, I felt pretty fragile, so just watched Netflix for a bit.

Following lunch, my mum and I went back in to the woods, which was so much better than town the day before. All of the bluebells have started to come out, and that glade that was carpeted white is now a bluey purple.

The pictures don’t do them justice at all.

In the afternoon I started watching Making A Murderer. I watched the first season when it initially aired, but haven’t seen the second one. It’s a bit grim, about how a man was perhaps set up by the police for a murder, but another documentary that is totally absorbing, and you want to know what happens next.

A fairly routine late afternoon of Sudoku, the daily Coronavirus briefing, a chat and a drink with my parents before dinner.

I watched a bit of Making A Murderer in the evening, followed by a bit of Drag Race so I didn’t have nightmares (or worse nightmares anyway). At the very end of the evening, Netflix failed me, which really pissed me off, and I had to continue to watch on my tablet rather than my laptop.

Sleeping was difficult. I was tired, but hot and restless. Probably anxious about my appointment in the morning too.

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