11/04/20 – Easter Saturday

Had really strange dreams about that same shared accommodation again, except this time I was sharing it with some of my friends who already live together. It didn’t seem that strange for them, but again, I was terrified at the prospect of sharing a room with so many people. There was also just a toilet in the corner, so no privacy whatsoever.
No idea why I keep dreaming about these shared squats without any privacy.

I still felt fairly fragile after the night before, so decided to write it all down before I even got ready, and then washed my hair as a kind of cleansing – wash it off me.
A couple of friends texted me after they’d read my blog to say how proud they were of me for handling it so well. One of them said I needed some perspective – that if you see yourself in a mirror every day, you see no change, but to try and look back at how far I’ve really come, and compare it to how I might have reacted even just a couple of weeks ago.
My parents had obviously read my blog, but I was really thankful that they didn’t bring it up throughout the whole day. If I’d wanted to talk to them about it, I would have bought it up, probably at the time. I really appreciate them taking my lead.

Had a fairly unremarkable morning, some lunch, and then my mum and I went for another walk in the woods.

There were tons of people about, so we failed massively at human Pacman.
There were loads of people who were blatantly not from the same household, and who didn’t bother to keep their distance and walk in single file when they passed us, keeping the suggested 2 metre distance from others, which really pissed me off.
It’s not about abiding by the law, it’s about common sense, and doing what’s best for humanity.
How can some people have such disrespectful disregard for others? Not just the victims of the virus and their loved ones, but the NHS and our economy.

When I got back to the house, I spent some time on the armchair in my room, but my knee has really started to hurt (it’s always a bit clicky) so I went and sat on the recliners in the living room instead.
I ordinarily like to spend time in my room so I know that no one is going to bother me, but sometimes I just can’t stand to be cooped in my room all day, and my knee hurts so much that I need to stretch my leg out.

Before dinner, we had some antipasti and Pimms in the garden, which was really civilised. And then dinner was Thai, which was super enjoyable. I really enjoy these curries we’ve been having on Saturday nights – not just a curry and rice, but loads of different ones with sides like spring rolls and gyoza.

One of my old school friends sent me an Insta message, asking if she could send me an e-mail because she couldn’t fit what she wanted to say in to a single message. I gave her my address, and was a bit concerned about what she might have to say, but it was so wonderful to read.
She said that what I have been writing has had a huge impact on her, and her mental health recovery. She has realised that she is not a bad person, and she is worth it, same as me. Her words really touched me, and honestly it meant more than I can express to know that my honest, public writing has helped someone in such a radical way. She even used the term ‘fangirl’, which I can’t even imagine someone thinking about me right now.
It was a real boost to my day, to my week, to my month. Tbh to my whole recovery time.

I had one of the most enjoyable evenings I’ve had for a while watching TIGER KING.
If you haven’t seen it, it’s a real life documentary (which is hard to believe at times) on Netflix about the world of big cat reserves in the USA, their owners, communities, rivalries, dealings, and even suspected murders. It’s fucking bonkers, but totally addictive. I just couldn’t stop watching. It was so absorbing.
It sounds really stupid, but I felt really proud of myself for stepping outside of my Drag Race comfort zone, and daring to try something new, and I really enjoyed it.

I went to sleep actually feeling uplifted, and with my head full of thoughts that weren’t my troubles, except for my knee, which was really painful.

2 thoughts on “11/04/20 – Easter Saturday

  1. You are doing well Lucy keep it up. I’m proud of you. You’re right tiger king is addictive! I watched it straight through. The madness of the good ol’ USA😂

    Liked by 1 person

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