07/04/20 – My parents’ ruby wedding anniversary

I had such a strange dream where I was charged with covering the branch of our chain of bars that is in Leicester. But it wasn’t in Leicester, it was at the end of my street.
They’d decided, for whatever reason, to serve pizza through a hatch for 2 hours every afternoon. There were tables and chairs set up on the street, all 2m apart (as is the government advice for social distancing). The staff were exhausted, and so three of us went to cover – me, my ex, and his housemate, who is also my friend. They kept disappearing in to the cellar, and leaving me up in the kitchen.
I realised that even though I was the closest GM to the site, that I was off sick, and that I shouldn’t be at work. I kept telling everyone, and had decided that I needed to go home, because three of us was too many for just some pizzas, but everyone felt that their own need to go home was greater than mine.
I actually woke myself up by saying my ex’s name over and over again, which made me feel really sad.

When I woke up, I had a text from a guy I used to see, telling me how great I am, and giving me loads of compliments, which was actually a big boost to my morning.

I made myself a coffee, played a game of Cluedo in bed, got ready, and did some writing.

In the morning, my sister in law’s mum came round to drop off some sweets and snacks for me with a lovely little post it note, and an orchid for my parents’ ruby wedding anniversary.

My mum went out to buy some nice food for the anniversary celebrations, and came back with LOADS of food! We don’t need to go out for a while.

As the morning went on, more presents kept arriving for my parents, and then we had a huge ‘French style’ lunch, with prawns, baguette, and loads of cheese.

After lunch, my mum and I went for our afternoon walk in the woods. It was more difficult to dodge people today – even bumped in to some people on one of the super small paths.

For my parents’ anniversary, they’d decided to do a BBQ, so I sat outside while my Dad grilled all the meat. Dinner was HUGE.

A little while after, we’d decided to do a family WhatsApp call with my brother and sister in law. Setting it up was a bloody nightmare. My parents are unfamiliar with the video call concept, and doing it in the same room meant that there was an echo, which was clearly driving my Dad mental. He even ended up walking out at one point. But we got it all sorted, and then had a chat with them while drinking a glass of celebratory champagne.
My mum told us all about how their wedding day had been, which was interesting to hear.

After that, I was pretty exhausted – it had been a really sociable day. I’d been able to handle it, but hadn’t enjoyed it half as much as I knew I should have. So, I went to bed and watched some Drag Race before going to sleep.

I felt pretty flat throughout the whole day tbh. Like, I was there, but not really there.
My paranoid thoughts aren’t there so much, but I do keep worrying about the future. I’m still struggling to see how I can piece it all together.

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