Not really much point to this blog post tbh. Spent the whole day either playing Risk online, watching Drag Race in bed, or force feeding myself.
The side effects are horrible, and also totally contradictory
Anxiety from antidepressants vs lethargy from antipsychotics.
Nausea from antidepressants vs increased appetite from antipsychotics.
But I need them both – one to treat my depression and boost my mood, but one to stop my spiralling thoughts and stabilise my mood on a day to day basis.
It’s a really fine balance, and one that’s got me feeling pretty rough atm.
At one point in the evening, I went downstairs to find my mum on a video call with my brother and sister in law. She was so overexcited, she kept flipping the camera from front to rear view, filming me and my dad, and even took them on a tour of the house?! That was entertaining, although pretty overwhelming.
Just before I went to sleep, I realised that what I find really difficult is the silence.
In the city centre, I could always hear background noise from the bars on the street. So I re-downloaded a ‘sleep sounds’ app, where you can choose from different noises such as rain, campfire, waves, birds etc.
As I was going to sleep, when I felt my thoughts straying, I tried to bring them back to the noises, and it seemed to work fairly well, so I’m going to keep on doing that.
Hopefully I’ll start to feel better soon – both physically, and mentally.