Apologies & Thank Yous

I’ve been considering doing this post for a long time, but it’s a difficult one to write. It’s pretty weird and cringe, but I know I will feel better for just writing it, regardless of how many people actually read it.

I have just listened to the podcast episode of The Guilty Feminist about apologies. One of the members of the audience asked where the line is between not apologising and just being plain rude. The answer was that it is OK to say sorry, but don’t do it excessively. I decided then that I was going to write this post this afternoon, and make my amends, but also be very concise about it.

I am also going to say thank you, because there are a lot of things that I also need to thank people for.

The people concerned may or may not read this, but regardless of whether they do, they are things that I want to get off my chest.


My Parents

I am sorry for worrying you sick and putting you through hell, particularly when I was back at your home in February.

I am sorry for deceiving you and sneaking out of the house.

I am sorry for not taking care of my mental health, and doing some really stupid shameful things.

I am sorry for hurting myself. I realise that that hurts you.

Thank you for staying with me in A&E, and coming to see me in the city at the drop of a hat.

Thank you for waiting in the city until I was done talking to my boyfriend about the future of our relationship.

Thank you for supporting me in everything I do, particularly my recovery.

Thank you for making sure I am financially stable during this difficult time.

Thank you for coming to visit me so frequently.

Thank you for bringing me things that I need, and doing my laundry.

Thank you for looking in to ways for me to get well once I am discharged.


My brother & sister in law

I am sorry for worrying you sick and putting you through hell, particularly the numerous times you have had to come and bring the emergency services to my flat.

I am sorry for not taking care of my mental health.

I am sorry for hurting myself. I realise that that hurts you.

Thank you for staying with me in A&E on multiple occasions.

Thank you for taking the time to come and visit me here.

Thank you for the supplies you have bought me while I am here.

Thank you for all of the times in the past that you have had me to stay with you after my A&E visits, and helped me get back on my feet.


The love of my life

I am sorry for relying on you too much.

I am sorry for ruining your time with your friends in February.

I am sorry for not reaching out to others.

I am sorry for not taking care of my mental health.

I am sorry for all of the times that I texted you in the night and got you to come over and stay with me.

I am sorry that you had to see me in my crisis state, particularly after hurting myself. I realise that hurting myself hurt you.

I am sorry for damaging your mental health and driving you to a point where you couldn’t cope.

I am sorry that my mental health ruined our beautiful relationship.

Thank you for being there for me until you couldn’t cope any more.

Thank you for being so kind and caring – my absolute rock.

Thank you for teaching me what love actually is.

Thank you for the best nine months of my whole entire life.


My friends and co-workers

I am sorry for not taking care of my mental health.

I am sorry for not reaching out.

I am sorry for hiding so many things from you.

I am sorry for the pain that I caused him.

I am sorry for sending you some really fucking weird text messages when I was super unwell – that put you in a very difficult position.

I am sorry for hurting myself. I realise that hurts you too.

Thank you for being there for me throughout this.


My husband

I am sorry for cheating on you.

I am sorry for not taking care of my mental health.

I am sorry for leaving you so suddenly.

I am sorry for all of the pain that my mental health crises caused you over the years.

Thank you for doing everything it took to sell the house.


Someone

I am sorry for sleeping with your husband. Even though I was unwell at the time, that’s no excuse for it still being the most cunty thing I’ve ever done in my life.

I am sorry for lying to your face.

I am sorry for being a terrible friend to you.

I am sorry that you ever found out. There was no reason for my husband to have told you – that was a vicious and pointless thing to do. It happened years ago. It was dead and buried. Absolutely no good was gained from you learning the truth.


My old housemate

I am sorry that I didn’t do more to get you out of what I knew was an abusive relationship.

I am sorry that I shouted at you after my final exam, and probably really shit you up for yours.

I am sorry for completely breaking contact with you without a word.

Thank you for reaching out to me.

Thank you for being such a good friend to me during my admission.


My friend from uni

I am sorry that I completely broke contact you without a word. I never confronted you when I found out you had been lying about being a student. Instead, I just cut you out.

Thank you for making contact with me, and being a friend during my admission.


The majority of mutual friends that I had with my husband

I am sorry for completely cutting contact with you once my husband and I separated.

Thank you to those of you who have reached out to me while I have been unwell.


My best school friend

I am sorry for sending you some really weird text messages when I was first unwell.

I am sorry for hurting myself. I realise that hurts you too.

Thank you for being there for me every single step of the way.

Thank you for being my impartial point of view, and letting me run so many messages and screenshots by you.

Thank you for coming so far out of your way to visit me in hospital.

Thank you for never judging me.


My D&D group

I am sorry that my illness has probably killed the campaign. I really hope we can get it up and running again once things get a bit more back to normal!


Lots of men

I am sorry for thinking that I was wildly in love with you, when clearly, I was just being massively borderline.

I am sorry for being really overbearing with it.


My matching tattoo bestie

I am sorry that we kind of lost contact.

Thank you for inviting me to your wedding – I am still not sure if I’ll be able to be there!

Thank you for reaching out and offering to visit.


LOADS of my friends!

I am sorry that we kind of lost contact.

Thank you to those who have reached out.


The company that I work for

I am sorry for not being more insistent that I took care of my mental health.

I am sorry for keeping how bad things were from you.

Thank you for all of your support during my time off.


My cat

I am sorry for abandoning you so suddenly. I couldn’t look after you, whereas my husband could. I think about you every day, and hope that you’re OK.


My BFF in the USA

I am sorry for not staying in more regular contact with you. You are one in a million.

Thank you for always always being there. You are such a fierce, ferocious friend.


Tim

I genuinely am sorry for breaking up with you on your 17th birthday.


There are probably people who I have forgotten, and for that…
I AM SORRY!

To everyone who has read this, and all my other posts…
THANK YOU!

5 thoughts on “Apologies & Thank Yous

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